• Lady Anne Implores The Peasantry To Leave Sir Willard In Peace.

    Lady Anne Romney, also known to adoring peasants as "Anne of the Greenest Gables" for her impeccable co-owned dressage stable, implores the simple, ungrateful and unwashed peasants to stop bothering her husband, the Most Noble Willard Milton Romney of the Massachusetts Commonwealth, aspirant to the position of Chief Administrator of the American Republic:

    “Stop it. *sniff* This is hard. You want to try it? Get in the ring,” she said, while being fanned by several underpaid servants. “This is hard and, you know, it’s an important thing that we’re doing right now and it’s an important election and it is time for all you worthless peasants to realize how significant this election is and how lucky you people are to have someone with Mitt’s qualifications and experience and know-how to be able to have the opportunity to rule you all. *sniff* ”

    Immediately afterwards, Lady Anne withdrew to her quarters, upon where she broke down and expired upon a plush 18th century fainting sofa.

    Servants of House Romney are concerned how vexed these circumstances have made their fair lady and request that all subjects abide by her wishes as she recovers from this troubling ordeal.

    Sir Willard expects to do battle with the treacherous Marxist Usurper, Baraq Hussein Superallah Obama al-Kenya, at some point as the date draws nearer for peasants to pretend their vote counts by dropping pebbles into a glass jar.

    *Sir Willard's beloved fencing sword has yet to be found, although the honorable noble decided to just have another one handcrafted. Nevertheless, he's raised the bounty to $25,000 and a coupon for a three-piece chicken dinner with two sides and a soft drink from "Popeyes," a gesture suggested to him by his aides since certain classes of peasant have a deep-seated fondness for the fried dish.