• ‘No One Ever Followed Me In A Mall.’

    “I am a black male who grew up in the inner city of Atlanta and no one ever followed me in a mall. I don’t recall any doors clicking when I crossed the street. And I never had anyone clutching their handbag when I got on an elevator. I guess having two awesome parents who taught me to be a respectful young man paid dividends.” – Allen West

    I find that extraordinarily hard to believe, Allen. First of all, you are a man of presumably African-American descent. Your physical appearance alone sends certain individuals and subgroups into fits of near-fatal apoplexy.

    Perhaps your parents gave you The Talk™. Perhaps they trained you how to control your movements and mannerisms so that you don't cast off such a threatening appearance. Perhaps you displayed an affinity at a young age towards accommodation in exchange for whites being more at ease with you. Or maybe you just chose to be oblivious to any sort of indirect profiling that happens, as I admittedly do at times.* I'm just throwing that out there.

    I have no doubt your parents trained you well, Allen. But when you break out a whopper that big, you're bound to get side-eyed from here to infinity.

    *No, seriously. I never notice or pay any attention to security staff or shopkeepers who decide to "keep an eye on me." Then again, I can be a bit oblivious about my surroundings, too.