• Sir Willard Romney Conducts A Royal Survey Of The Common Peoples.

    Pictured above is Sir Willard Milton Romney, shocked by the astonishing freshness of peasant pastries.

    The Most Noble Willard Milton Romney of the Massachusetts Commonwealth, aspirant to the position of Chief Administrator of the American Republic, was compelled to circulate among the common peoples in order to gain favor with his most devoted subjects as well as curry favor with other, less-devoted commoners. His hopes are to gain enough devoted followers to stage an overthrow of the treacherous Marxist Usurper, Baraq Hussein Superallah Obama al-Kenya. The Marxist Usurper gained his position under the false promises of giving each peasant family a warm meal three times per day, forty acres of land and a pony.

    Sir Willard's brave expedition into the world of the common man led him upon a strange sight: a clearinghouse where foodstuffs were distributed to commoners in exchange for currency, or in the case of the peasants, a voucher signifying their fealty to the Marxist Usurper. When Sir Willard inquired as to what this place was called, one of his servants answered "awawas," presumably Indo-American peasant speak for "food store."

    Sir Willard descended from his conveyance, careful not to step on anything that was too peasant-y, and entered "awawas," only to be amazed by what he saw. Fresh produce! Canned goods! Fresh meats! Air conditioning! These were things that Sir Willard had once only believed to be available to royalty such as himself, his wife and their beloved stable of dressage horses. Prior to this, Sir Willard thought the common people ate bark, dirt pies and occasionally, one another. This "awawas" amazed him so that he spent most of his time there prancing about the aisles, knocking over several displays while sampling several items, to the consternation of common shoppers and the servants employed by the awawas.

    Sir Willard later recounted his experiences to a crowd of loyal supporters and peons graciously gathered from Sir Thomas Corbett's palatial estate holdings. He first asked them if they purchased their "hoagies," a peasant foodstuff made of several meats, vegetables and condiments within a loaf of oddly-shaped bread, at the place he came to call "awawas."

    "I say there, peasants, where do you obtain these 'hoagies'? Do you get them at awawas? Is that where you obtain them?"

    The peasantry delivered a resounding "NO!!" Amazed at the offense these mere peons had taken, Sir Willard then asked if they got their hoagies from another, smaller food store known as "Shitz." The peasantry became even more disgruntled. One peon was later caned for attempting to offer Sir Willard an old sandwich as a gift by tossing it at his head.

    Sir Willard then went on to the amazement he experienced when ordering a common foodstuff. The awawas utilized a technologically advanced touch display that allowed commoners with a presumably high-enough IQ to select the type of sandwich they wish to purchase. Sir Willard was amazed by this discovery, as he believed these devices were the sole domain of royalty and that most peasants were simply too stupid to operate devices more complex than sticks, simple hand tools and high-gloss masturbatory aids featuring women of a rather corpulent size and shape.

    "You press a wonderful little touch-tone keypad," Sir Willard said, referring to the chain's touch-screen system. "You touch this, touch this, disinfect your hands, have your servant offer currency to the cashier, and have him bring you your sandwich. It's amazing! I only wish an actual peasant presented this sandwich to me, then offered his own belly for me to stab him at with my fencing sword. Say, where is my fencing sword?*"

    Sir Willard enjoyed his time pretending to bond with the lesser commoners while feigning interest and concern over their trifles. Hopefully, this will aid him greatly in amassing a large enough army of angry, firearm-wielding peasants to storm the Marxist Usurper's encampment in the Columbia District and overthrow the captivating Kenyan and his socialist lackeys. Hopefully, this army will be strong enough to challenge and defeat Holder's People, nearly all who have sworn their absolute fealty to the Usurper.

    *Sadly, Sir Willard's crack team of security officials were never able to find his fencing sword and were subsequently hanged, as per royal decree. Presumably, this finely handcrafted sword was pawned in exchange for currency that was later used to purchase a substance known as "White Crack." There is now a $10,000 bounty for any peasant or commoner who knows the whereabouts of this cherished and beloved item. Sir Willard promises he will only execute those who come forward after they receive their reward, instead of before.