Different Day, Same Shit.

Bill Schmalfeldt of Daily Kos penned an article about why Conservatives take a remarkable dislike to gay marriage, which itself was a response to Larry A. Herzberg's piece at Little Green Footballs. Herzberg starts out by pondering the religious aspect of conservative objection to gay marriage and goes from there, eventually coming to the following:

Could this be the correct explanation of the fear? Could it be that conservatives (subconsciously?) believe that if same-sex marriage were to become more accepted and hence more common, heterosexuals would actually begin converting their sexual orientation? Could conservatives really (subconsciously?) believe that gay sex is so much better than straight sex, or that switching one’s sexual preference is, at least for most people, as easy as switching brands? It sounds silly, but you do often hear conservatives fantasizing about gay folks - especially teachers - “recruiting” children who would otherwise be straight, as if changing or determining someone’s sexual orientation - even a child’s - were as easy as giving them the right sales pitch!

The whole "homosexuals = pedophiles" theme was popular among conservatives back in the day, despite how utterly absurd it was to tie pedophilia with sexual orientation. I have a feeling that theme indulged in their idea of homosexuality, which was along the Greco-Roman lines of elder Senators enjoying a bathhouse romp with their catamite companions.

Herzberg comes close, but it takes Schmalfeldt to get a step closer to what's really tweaking conservatives about gay marriage. Schmalfeldt starts by exploring how conservatives have no problem with certain sexual acts, just as long as it's kept within the confines of smoking-hot fantasy lesbianism (and there always has to be an opening for the menfolk to jump in and turn it into a threesome) and the "giving" end of anal sex (with women, mind you).*

So finally, Schmalfeldt hits on his two reasons why conservatives dread "teh gey": either it's because conservatives have repressed their true sexual leanings for so long that they tend to explode in illicit toe-tapping sessions in airport bathroom stalls or because they assume that since homosexuals likely have as much trouble as they do when it comes to keeping their sexual drive in check, they'd just as gladly hunt down some prime straight virgin man-meat:

THAT is the problem with gay marriage. It's not the fact that it's same sex have sex with the same sex (as long as it's only women). It's not that anal sex is disgusting, because who hasn't tried to get away with it at least once in a heterosexual relationship (sorry, honey... I missed!) or that we find oral sex to be immoral and de facto sodomy (which we don't even when we say we do).

The bottom line (giggle) is that stupid straight people are scared that rampaging hoards of GAYS are going to ATTACK THEM and FORCE THEIR wing wangs up their pooter holes and OBAMA SAYS IT'S OK NOW!

Close, but no cigar. Not THAT cigar, damnit.**

Let's back it up to a following passage that got my attention. At least it was one of the things that led to a sort of "Eureka!" moment:

2. You are ignorant heterosexual who -- because YOU would gladly fuck a warm piece of liver if no one was looking -- believes that all gay men will find YOU attractive and want to force their sexual attentions on YOU! Men over 40 don't even like going to the doctor because they know the doc will stick a well-lubricated, gloved finger "up there." The idea of being run to ground by hoards of pantless gay men with their throbbing manhoods acting like divining wands in the search for "virgin ass" terrifies you.

Schmalfeldt was right there...and he walked right past the door. Let's back up by isolating one key sentence from the above:

Men over 40 don't even like going to the doctor because they know the doc will stick a well-lubricated, gloved finger "up there."

Why not? Here's the second piece to that puzzle that helped put everything in perspective:

Chick-fil-A has reportedly promised not to donate to any more anti-gay causes, and they promise to conduct a bit of diversity training in their stores. It looks on the surface as if they relented so they can finally build a store in Chicago. But that's just silly.

This isn't just about the Chicago store. The company makes more than enough money elsewhere to survive without a store in Chicago. They were obviously being hurt all over the country, because a lot of regular people just don't like to buy stuff from bigots. The company has lofty goals when it comes to stores and sales, and it didn't want to be a "South-only" store. There were many signs that its $4 billion annual sales were taking a pretty decent hit, and as their reputation sunk in, the chances of reversing it would lessen as time goes on. Huge companies don't regain reputations they lost simply because they "change their mind."

As a company that wears its version of Christianity on its sleeve, it's just too bad they didn't change their position on gay rights because it was the right thing to do. Jesus would be in favor of civil gay marriage; anyone with a Bible should be able to figure that out.

I knew this would happen. In spite of the initial boost of sales from proud conservatives, Chic-Fil-A ended up sucking wind due to most ordinary customers staying away in droves. Come to think of it, I haven't had any of those Chic-Fil-A sandwiches since the boycott began, although the thought of one crosses my mind every once in a while. What stops me is the off-chance of having to interact with some conservative professing his love of the southern culinary creation and the company's political steadfastness. I just want something to eat, not a political lecture while waiting in line...

I watched the GOP economic debate on a Bloomberg stream earlier tonight. If you want to know how I felt about it, look at my Twitter posts, because I'm not about to go into detail about it again. Next time, I'll create a nice little tag to keep everything in one place. Honest.

Poor Herman Cain really thought it was his time to shine. Too bad the GOP establishment (the Powers That Be™) already have their hearts set on Mitt Romney, nevermind if he practices some goofy Utah cult religion. The rest of the nation will just have to learn to live with it, even Alabama.

Redeye didn't like Herman Cain's softshoe routine any more than I did. Neither did Dr. Boyce Watkins. To sum things up, they both see Herman Cain as the perfect "get out of being/seeming racist" card for white conservatives. Herman Cain: The Ultimate Racial Grievance Neutralizer™.

- How come when protesters threaten violence or even broach the mere appearance of becoming violent, it is considered to be a fucking tragedy of epic proportions worthy of martial law and swift crackdowns by law enforcement, but when a conservative mentions running over a few protesters with his car, "well, he didn't mean nothing by it" or "come'on, it's just a joke! Can't you take a little joke?"

In the conservative world, threatening to kill someone because their political ideology is different than yours is regarded as "a harmless joke." But someone who merely considers doing or saying anything that could possibly harm conservatives in any way is fair game for the most brutal state sanctioned punishment available.

- Arch-villain Skeletor, currently in a meat-and-skin-covered form he calls "Rick Scott," wants college kids in the state of Florida to forget about all that nonsense about getting a useless liberal arts degree and instead knuckle down and go for a "STEM" degree: degrees in science, technology, engineering and mathematics.

Nothing wrong with expressing his preferences, except he plans to fuck liberal arts majors over by pulling the rug on the funding received by liberal arts and social science sections at Florida's public universities. After all, if you want to chase a useless degree in Anthropology or Philosophy, you might as well do it at a private institution and rack up over a $100k in non-dischargeable student loans.

If this is touted as a "money-saving measure," shouldn't they look at the hundreds of millions of dollars spent on their athletics programs? Of course not. Monetary pursuits that reward a chosen few but placate millions are not to be trifled with.

- Speaking of student loans, people are wondering whether we should forgive a large portion of student loans and mortgages currently held by millions of Americans. Of course, the lending and banking industry would just die if they didn't have all of that debt to hold over America's heads, so expect that idea to be a no-go for the foreseeable future.

Unless, of course, everyone simultaneously defaults on their student loans. *cue evil laughter*

- A young man follows his dreams in Romania, only for his life to be cut short in a barroom brawl over a woman. My heart goes out to Chauncey Hardy's family and friends, who are surely in some deep, deep pain over what happened.

- On the other hand, two heffers were hauled in for hauling off and going ham on one another with a heavy helping of household bleach and ammonia at Wal-Mart. And this is one of the many reasons I prefer shopping at Target. It's a bit more expensive, but at least you don't have two women slinging "American Value"-brand bleach all over each other and 19 other people.

BTW, mixing bleach and ammonia together makes chlorine gas. Chlorine gas is potentially fatal. Just thought you all should know.

- President Obama's "American Jobs Act of 2011" died an ignoble death in the Senate today, 50 to 49. 60 votes were needed, but he couldn't get them from his own damned party. Read as Patricia Murphy at MSNBC's Powerwall orgasms over how this setback is proof positive of Obama's weakness in Washington. Keep this crap up and the various "Villagers" and "emoprogs" will get their secret wish: to have a Republican in the Oval Office for the next 4 to 16 years. That way, they can play perpetual pretend underdog crusaders again while taking GOP "danegeld" because "they have no choice but to." Better to have pocket change to go cruising the cocktail dinner circuit with.

This reminds me of combat vets who cruise the local bars with a batch of shiny medals and a story to spin for each one, to impress the young bunnies and jaded ex-wives. And they get them by deliberately flinging themselves into combat scenarios, whether it actually helps their platoon or not.

- Is this how true Christians are supposed to behave? I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldn't approve -- John 8:7 and Matthew 7:1 is clear proof. Then again, most people who call themselves "Christians" only read bits and pieces of the Old Testament and only the juicy portions that validate their own bigotry and bloodlust:

But who could imagine the hate and rage that would motivate a Pastor to instruct deacons and members of his congregation, Grace Fellowship Church in Fruitland, TN. to physically attack a couple arriving in the church parking lot last Wednesday?

The fact that one of the gay men attacked happened to be the Pastor’s own son, Jerry Pittman, Jr., no doubt contributed to Pittman senior’s noxious edict. According to Pittman Jr., after hearing his Dad yell, “SICK’EM!:”

“My uncle and two other deacons came over to the car per my dad’s request. My uncle smashed me in the door as the other deacon knocked my boyfriend back so he couldn’t help me, punching him in his face and his chest. The other deacon came and hit me through my car window in my back.”

The attackers also verbally assaulted the couple continually with anti-gay verbiage which continued even after a Sheriff’s Deputy arrived on the scene. Bystanders and other congregants made no effort to stop the assault. For that matter, neither did the Deputy Sheriff. Once the barrage of punches ended, the Deputy refused to let the two victims press charges.

Officers of the law may have a sworn duty to protect innocent citizens, but they're not obligated to uphold that promise. Really, it makes them no different than the highwaymen of old or the enforcers found in various dictatorial regimes.

BTW, if the so-called "Christians" were to see Jesus once more, they may try to beat and crucify him again. It's probably why when he promised to come back, he'd only do so when it was time for Judgement. Seems like these folks only respond favorably to the wrath of God, which sucks for the most part. Oh well, Judgement Day's a'comin.

- Detroit police officer Joseph Weekley was finally arraigned on charges stemming from the murder of Aiyana Stanley-Jones in a botched police raid.

Weekley is a 14-year veteran who had been a member of the department’s Special Response Team (SRT) since 2004. He reportedly told his sergeant moments after the shooting, “A woman inside grabbed my gun. It fired. The bullet hit a child.”

But the Stanley-Jones family lawyer Geoffrey Fieger told the Detroit Free Press he was shown a video immediately after the shooting that shows police as the aggressors. The video in question has not been found was reportedly not investigated by police.

“All I know is that the [missing] video is pretty dramatic,” he said. “You can see the gunman shooting into the house from the outside.”

The video that police have “is very different,” he said. “It doesn’t show a thing.”

Chances are his eventual sentence will be light, if he's sentenced at all. Juries have a thing for exonerating officers of the law.

I hate to end this blog post on a bitter note, but it is what it is.