Different Day, Same Shit.

Bill Schmalfeldt of Daily Kos penned an article about why Conservatives take a remarkable dislike to gay marriage, which itself was a response to Larry A. Herzberg's piece at Little Green Footballs. Herzberg starts out by pondering the religious aspect of conservative objection to gay marriage and goes from there, eventually coming to the following:

Could this be the correct explanation of the fear? Could it be that conservatives (subconsciously?) believe that if same-sex marriage were to become more accepted and hence more common, heterosexuals would actually begin converting their sexual orientation? Could conservatives really (subconsciously?) believe that gay sex is so much better than straight sex, or that switching one’s sexual preference is, at least for most people, as easy as switching brands? It sounds silly, but you do often hear conservatives fantasizing about gay folks - especially teachers - “recruiting” children who would otherwise be straight, as if changing or determining someone’s sexual orientation - even a child’s - were as easy as giving them the right sales pitch!

The whole "homosexuals = pedophiles" theme was popular among conservatives back in the day, despite how utterly absurd it was to tie pedophilia with sexual orientation. I have a feeling that theme indulged in their idea of homosexuality, which was along the Greco-Roman lines of elder Senators enjoying a bathhouse romp with their catamite companions.

Herzberg comes close, but it takes Schmalfeldt to get a step closer to what's really tweaking conservatives about gay marriage. Schmalfeldt starts by exploring how conservatives have no problem with certain sexual acts, just as long as it's kept within the confines of smoking-hot fantasy lesbianism (and there always has to be an opening for the menfolk to jump in and turn it into a threesome) and the "giving" end of anal sex (with women, mind you).*

So finally, Schmalfeldt hits on his two reasons why conservatives dread "teh gey": either it's because conservatives have repressed their true sexual leanings for so long that they tend to explode in illicit toe-tapping sessions in airport bathroom stalls or because they assume that since homosexuals likely have as much trouble as they do when it comes to keeping their sexual drive in check, they'd just as gladly hunt down some prime straight virgin man-meat:

THAT is the problem with gay marriage. It's not the fact that it's same sex have sex with the same sex (as long as it's only women). It's not that anal sex is disgusting, because who hasn't tried to get away with it at least once in a heterosexual relationship (sorry, honey... I missed!) or that we find oral sex to be immoral and de facto sodomy (which we don't even when we say we do).

The bottom line (giggle) is that stupid straight people are scared that rampaging hoards of GAYS are going to ATTACK THEM and FORCE THEIR wing wangs up their pooter holes and OBAMA SAYS IT'S OK NOW!

Close, but no cigar. Not THAT cigar, damnit.**

Let's back it up to a following passage that got my attention. At least it was one of the things that led to a sort of "Eureka!" moment:

2. You are ignorant heterosexual who -- because YOU would gladly fuck a warm piece of liver if no one was looking -- believes that all gay men will find YOU attractive and want to force their sexual attentions on YOU! Men over 40 don't even like going to the doctor because they know the doc will stick a well-lubricated, gloved finger "up there." The idea of being run to ground by hoards of pantless gay men with their throbbing manhoods acting like divining wands in the search for "virgin ass" terrifies you.

Schmalfeldt was right there...and he walked right past the door. Let's back up by isolating one key sentence from the above:

Men over 40 don't even like going to the doctor because they know the doc will stick a well-lubricated, gloved finger "up there."

Why not? Here's the second piece to that puzzle that helped put everything in perspective:

The 44th President of the United States did what no other president has done so far: stand in unequivocal support of marriage for same-sex couples.

Afterwards, the current front runner for the GOP candidate nomination did what most people expected him to do: reaffirm his unequivocal opposition to marriage for same-sex couples.


The president's campaign team responded with the following video, which included a clip of George Bush expressing ambivalence, if not support, over the issue of same-sex marriage.


I don't see a downside for the president coming out (sic) in support. After all, he advocated same-sex civil unions, not the act of homosexuality itself. Yes, it is possible to be against homosexuality in general yet not mind those of different proclivities to join in legally sanctioned union with one another. The only temporary loss will be scores of churchgoing black folk who will briefly reconsider their support of Obama until they remember what the alternative to an Obama administration looks like.

Mittens had to reaffirm the GOP party line to avoid looking like a fool to his own supporters. There's no way he can moderate his way out of this unless he wants to risk pissing off the Teabagger contingent. If he's worried about looking like a wimp in front of those folks, he should look back to his time in prep school, back when he cut a fellow classmate's hair under the assumption of him being "queer" and different. Of course, Romney has no recollection of the event:

“He can’t look like that. That’s wrong. Just look at him!” an incensed Romney told Matthew Friedemann, his close friend in the Stevens Hall dorm, according to Friedemann’s recollection. Mitt, the teenaged son of Michigan Gov. George Romney, kept complaining about Lauber’s look, Friedemann recalled.

Remember how his campaign people attempted to capitalize on Romney's zany antics as proof he wasn't completely wooden and robotic. You have to wonder if they're regretting that. Even his wife pitched in by vouching for the man's capacity for fun-loving:

“There’s a wild and crazy man inside of there just waiting to come out,” Romney’s wife, Ann — a graduate of Cranbrook’s sister school, Kingswood — attested in a television interview this month, evoking what she saw as his endearing and fun-loving prep-school persona.

Wild and crazy, indeed. The more the Obama team buries Romney and his ilk, the greater the chances of Obama's reelection.

And of course, there always has to be someone around to piss in the punch bowl. Yes, Obama is no LBJ. He's just Obama. And by all indications, that's plenty and then some.